Let's Talk Kids

Raising children?  Have to deal with someone else's?  Considering a family?

Let's talk kids!

Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. 

Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:12 pm
Thu February 26, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "A Future President"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

On a plaque marking Abraham Lincoln’s birthplace near Hodgenville, Kentucky, is recorded this scrap of conversation:

“Any news down t’ the village, Ezry?”

“Well, Squire MacLain’s gone t’ Washington t’ see Madison swore in, and ol’ Spellman tells me this Bonaparte fella has captured most o’ Spain.  What’s new out here, neighbor?”

“Nuthin’, nuthin’ a’tall, ‘cept fer a new baby born t’ Tom Lincoln’s.  Nuthin’ ever happens out here.”

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Let's Talk Kids
3:17 pm
Thu February 5, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "A Soft Place to Land"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

During that bumpy journey of growing up, kids need a soft place to land.  The arduous trek through infancy, toddlerhood, childhood and youth is scattered with potholes which threaten to knock us off course and cause us to lose courage.  The dependable concern of a loving adult cushions the hurt and gets us moving again in the right direction.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:03 pm
Thu January 29, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "Golden Stories"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

The young mom’s eye’s glistened as she recounted the tale: “My grandma was in high school in 1932.  Her dad bought her a Model A Ford so she wouldn’t have to ride several miles to and from school on horseback. When slogging home on rainy days, Grandma would drive the car until that inevitable moment when her wheels (not tires, wheels) would get stuck in muddy ruts. She would then have to walk home, hitch up a team of horses, and ride back to tow the car home.”

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Let's Talk Kids
12:49 pm
Thu January 22, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "Reading To Babies"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) announced a new policy directing pediatricians to encourage reading to babies.  Pediatricians are urged to use each contact with families to promote reading aloud and conversation from the earliest weeks of life, according to Dr. Pamela High who wrote the policy. 

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Let's Talk Kids
4:48 pm
Thu January 15, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "Apples and Oranges"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

Parents of multiple children complain that siblings’ squabbling is the most annoying challenge of parenthood.  There is almost no slight too insignificant to launch a new outbreak in the ever-simmering civil war between siblings

The basis of the issue is competition for their parents’ affection.  Children sense the possibilty that Mom or Dad may love the other better and must be ever vigilant so as not to lose their edge.

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Let's Talk Kids
9:49 am
Fri January 9, 2015

Let's Talk Kids - "A Fresh Start"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

In Bill Murray’s old romantic comedy “Groundhog Day,” the television weatherman awakens everyday to the same date on the calendar.  All the same things happen each day, so that he wishes more than anything for a new day.

Contrast this experience with young children who see every new day with a fresh set of expectations.  They wake up wide-eyed every morning, ready to notice every new experience the world has in store. 

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Let's Talk Kids
5:50 pm
Thu December 18, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "Your Phone-a-Friend List"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

A couple was discussing the holiday festivities their family would enjoy.  They mentioned a large gathering they would attend, and remembered they would once again hear Uncle Henry’s stale stories, repeated at every holiday meal. At this recollection, they raised their eyebrows and rolled their eyes.

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Let's Talk Kids
2:57 pm
Thu December 11, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "A Baby's Reach"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

In my occupation of watching babies, I’ve noticed newborns actually reach for things that captivate them.  My studies had earlier taught me that reaching is achieved by four-month-olds, but sure enough, newborns exhibit a sort of primal reach for just a few weeks which extinguishes and then comes back a few months later.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:25 pm
Fri December 5, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "Kids and Electronics"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

Most families I know struggle with screen time.  Televisions, phones, computers and iPads—a plethora of electronic communication and entertainment devices lure children and their parents.  The use of electronics is an issue that begs for management control from this generation of parents.  Obesity, sleep issues, behavioral problems, impaired academic performance, and a desensitization to violence have all been tied to over-exposure to electronics.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:25 pm
Thu November 20, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "Love Is Love"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

The most significant change in family functioning I have seen in my nearly thirty years of working with families is the changing role of dads.  By some estimates, over the last twenty years, the amount of time fathers spend with their children has doubled.  And most of that increase is spent in real caregiving tasks, like feeding, bathing, and the other daily tasks of raising children—even when they require an adjusted work schedule. In some families, dads are staying at home to raise kids.

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Let's Talk Kids
5:35 pm
Thu November 13, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "Another Season"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

When an older child leaves home for college or career, second born children often blossom in one way or another.  Parents would do well to be prepared.

Two families I know are experiencing this phenomenon right now.  In one family, an older sister left for college in August.  She’d been a challenging teen, but her younger sister was more compliant. 

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Let's Talk Kids
12:48 pm
Thu October 16, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "The Cost of Worry"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

Worry represents our deep investment in our offspring whose health and happiness mean the world to us.  But there’s a steep cost to worry if it robs us of our enjoyment of our children.  A worried parent may be so consumed with fear that she’s unavailable to be present with her kids. 

A worried mom can’t celebrate her son’s learning to walk for fear that he’ll fall.  A worried dad feels sick at his daughter’s graduation, agonizing about her leaving for college.  Each development calls up a whole new set of troubles to anticipate.

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Let's Talk Kids
6:45 pm
Thu October 9, 2014

Let's Talk Kids - "Design for Success"

Credit mattpenning.com 2010 / WUIS/Illinois Issues

I’ve noticed something about my alarm clock:  If I set it for 4 a.m., it goes off at 4 a.m. every time.  It doesn’t sometimes sound at 4 and other times at 9.  It always goes off at 4.

It was designed to respond the way I’ve instructed it to when I set it.  For me to expect it to function any other way would be silly.  And yet sometimes, we expect people to function differently than they were programmed to function.  Here’s an example.

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Let's Talk Kids
8:00 am
Thu July 3, 2014

Kids and Water

In the months before we’re born, we swim peacefully in our amniotic sac. Born to be aquaphiles, we gravitate to water for all of our time on this planet (which happens to also be about 75% water.)

Infants sleep better after baths which seem to drain tension away from their tiny bodies.  Toddlers and preschoolers delight in their baths, using them as opportunities for physics experiments. Teenagers drain their families’ hot water tanks with marathon showers, which are about much more than getting clean.  And adults soak away their day’s troubles in a hot bath.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:11 pm
Thu June 26, 2014

Social Surrogacy

They’re calling it “Social Surrogacy,” this new practice of affluent parents delegating the tasks of pregnancy and childbirth to another person.  Social Surrogacy is for women who could carry a child, but choose not to because of perceived risks to their productivity or physical image.

The price?  Social surrogacy represents at least a $100,000 investment.  And yet, I’m convinced that this cost is grossly understated.  The physical costs of pregnancy and childbirth are only the beginning of the toll paid by parents, like the ante required to get into the parenting game.

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Let's Talk Kids
8:00 am
Thu June 19, 2014

Cousins!

Closer than classmates, more sensational than siblings, cousins are a boon to growing up.

While I never lived in the same town with my own cousins, I remember how I loving family get-togethers.  Even for cousins I saw rarely, our play would pick up right where it left off the last time we were together.

My older cousins were someone to look up to.  My younger ones tickled me with their cuteness.  We always managed to fill the hours with games and adventures that each of us could relate to.

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Let's Talk Kids
8:00 am
Thu June 5, 2014

Teacher Let the Monkeys Out

In my family, the first time we see a child after school lets out for the summer, we HAVE to say, “School’s out, school’s out, teacher let the monkeys out!”  A great deal has changed in the world since I was a student, but this remains true:  The last day of school represents a real transition for children, for teachers, and for parents.

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Let's Talk Kids
8:00 am
Thu June 5, 2014

Hatching is Hard

Hatching chicken eggs with my class as a kindergarten teacher turned out to be good training for raising the children I would have later.  One spring, after most of the chicks successfully hatched, one little fellow seemed to have a hard time. I worried about him like a mother hen. Thinking I could help, I contacted a chicken farmer to ask if I couldn’t give the chick a little assistance.  “No way!” he warned me.

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Let's Talk Kids
8:00 am
Thu May 22, 2014

Remembering Love

On May 1, 1865, former slaves dug up the remains of 257 dead Union soldiers who had been buried in a mass grave in a Confederate prison camp outside Charleston, South Carolina.  They worked for two weeks to give them a proper burial in gratitude for their sacrifice.  Following the burials, 10,000 people celebrated with a parade led by 2800 black children.  

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Let's Talk Kids
9:00 am
Thu April 10, 2014

Super Kid

Four-year old Luke sat quietly while his dad participated in a meeting with a bunch of grownups, hard at work on an effort of his own.  Brow furrowed, he labored intensely throughout the meeting.

When the group adjourned, Luke shared his work.  These words were written on small cards:  AQUAMAN, SUPERMAN, SPIDERMAN, BATMAN and ROBIN.

Each word was spelled correctly and written meticulously in his clear childish block letters. I was heartily impressed.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:57 pm
Tue April 1, 2014

The Chaos Crescendo

You rise with the sun, planning for a happy day with your children.  You walk into your daughter’s room to wake her for school and discover urine-soaked sheets, again.

 

You calmly strip the bed and run the bath for the requisite clean-up you hadn’t really allowed enough time for.  You get this one headed to the tub and throw the linens in the washer just before you go wake your other child.

 

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Let's Talk Kids
11:01 am
Thu March 27, 2014

Always Do Your Best

If there’s a gift I could give parents it would be to forgive themselves for not being perfect.  We love our children so much we want them to be raised by perfect parents, but we’re daily aware of the ways we’re unable to be those imagined perfect parents.

The fourth of don Miguel Ruiz’ “The Four Agreements” speaks to this drive in parents:  “Always do your best.”  Notice, the concept is not “Be perfect,” but is instead “Do your best.”

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Let's Talk Kids
10:59 am
Thu March 20, 2014

Don’t Make Assumptions

The third of don Miguel Ruiz’ “Four Agreements” sounds simple enough:  Don't Make Assumptions.  But the application of this to living with children is not so easy.

When we make assumptions it’s because we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling. When it comes to our children, we blindly assume their lives will mirror our own.   “Of course you love Brussel sprouts!  Everyone in our family loves Brussel sprouts!”

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Let's Talk Kids
10:57 am
Thu March 13, 2014

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Last week, I introduced the application of don Miguel Ruiz’ book The Four Agreements to our work of raising children.  Today, I would like to think about the Second Agreement, “Don’t take anything personally,” as it applies to the lives of parents.

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Let's Talk Kids
10:55 am
Thu March 6, 2014

Be Impeccable with Your Word

In his book, “The Four Agreements,” don Miguel Ruiz laid out four principles based on the great religions of the world and particularly his own Toltec roots in Southern Mexico.   These four agreements, he writes, provide a practical guide to personal freedom and happiness.

His simple ideas also provide a solid foundation for successfully raising our children.  Over the next four weeks, I’d like to explore these four ideas beginning today with the first agreement:  Be Impeccable with your Word.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 27, 2014

Playing Outside

The numbers tell a solemn story.  American children play outside less now than at any other time in our nation’s history.  Time spent playing outdoors has decreased for all children, but especially for females and for minorities.  This lifestyle change has contributed to increasing health risks as children display more obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure than in previous generations.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 20, 2014

The Anchor

Every parent understands that your joy and sorrow rises and falls with your child. Your heart vacillates between those two extremes as your child faces tragedy and triumph.

You may be on top of your game at work, but if you get a call from the principal telling you your child just cheated on a test, you feel like an utter failure. You may be enjoying great health yourself, but when your child's pediatrician wants to run some tests to rule out a dreaded diagnosis, your lay awake nights worrying.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 13, 2014

Parenting Partners

My years of marriage have taught me that raising kids with another person is rarely a smooth ride.  Any two adults bring very different upbringings to the table, causing them to often take a different view of kids’ behavior.

But the single most important thing parenting partners do for each other is that every day, we can count on this:  No matter how difficult their behavior, we know that our kids are desperately loved by at least one other human being who would walk through fire for them.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 6, 2014

The Topless Blender

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s take on toddlers is right on:  “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender but you don’t have a top for it.”

Our hopes for order and cleanliness are challenged when young children are around, for sure.  At a recent family dinner, we thought we’d placed toddler Emmy where she could do no harm.  We pulled back the tablecloth, laid a drop cloth on the floor beneath her, and covered her chair with a towel.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu January 30, 2014

Watch for the Twinkle

Parents entertain the fantasy our children will enjoy the same activities that interest us.  If you lettered in track in high school, you may be shopping for baby running shoes before your child can walk.  If you spent your childhood playing in piano recitals, you have your little one listening to piano concertos on the nursery CD player as she drifts off to sleep at night.

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