Let's Talk Kids

Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 20, 2014

The Anchor

Every parent understands that your joy and sorrow rises and falls with your child. Your heart vacillates between those two extremes as your child faces tragedy and triumph.

You may be on top of your game at work, but if you get a call from the principal telling you your child just cheated on a test, you feel like an utter failure. You may be enjoying great health yourself, but when your child's pediatrician wants to run some tests to rule out a dreaded diagnosis, your lay awake nights worrying.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 13, 2014

Parenting Partners

My years of marriage have taught me that raising kids with another person is rarely a smooth ride.  Any two adults bring very different upbringings to the table, causing them to often take a different view of kids’ behavior.

But the single most important thing parenting partners do for each other is that every day, we can count on this:  No matter how difficult their behavior, we know that our kids are desperately loved by at least one other human being who would walk through fire for them.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu February 6, 2014

The Topless Blender

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s take on toddlers is right on:  “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender but you don’t have a top for it.”

Our hopes for order and cleanliness are challenged when young children are around, for sure.  At a recent family dinner, we thought we’d placed toddler Emmy where she could do no harm.  We pulled back the tablecloth, laid a drop cloth on the floor beneath her, and covered her chair with a towel.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 am
Thu January 30, 2014

Watch for the Twinkle

Parents entertain the fantasy our children will enjoy the same activities that interest us.  If you lettered in track in high school, you may be shopping for baby running shoes before your child can walk.  If you spent your childhood playing in piano recitals, you have your little one listening to piano concertos on the nursery CD player as she drifts off to sleep at night.

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Let's Talk Kids
2:55 pm
Wed January 22, 2014

Voice from the Past

Voice from the Past

The middle-age woman spoke tentatively as she reached for words to express her meaning.  She was raised in the south, the great-grandchild of slaves.  “When I was growing up,” she said, “We were taught that children are to be seen and not heard. I wanted to be a good girl, so I spoke very little until I went to school.  There, I struggled to keep up with other children whose language skills were light years beyond my own.”

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Let's Talk Kids
2:43 pm
Wed January 15, 2014

What Words Can’t Say

I love words.  A well-turned phrase gives me goose bumps.  Words play a significant role in my life.  But sometimes in the life of a family, words are nearly worthless.

When your daughter runs downhill too fast (despite your repeated warnings) and breaks out her front teeth in a spectacular face plant, she doesn’t need to hear you say that this was what you’d feared all along.

When your son has to retake a class because he failed to complete the assignments you’d badgered him about, nothing you say can make the lesson clearer than this most painful consequence.

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Let's Talk Kids
2:00 pm
Thu January 9, 2014

Fill Up to Give Away

You’ve probably had this experience.

Your day is too full already with too many places to be.  As you race from one point to the next, you glance down at your fuel gauge and discover you’re running on fumes.

What to do?  If you stop to fill your gas tank it will make you later than you are already.  But the alternative is worse.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:32 pm
Fri January 3, 2014

Joy in the Quiet Times

After the holiday hustle and bustle, an empty datebook can seem anticlimactic. But in my estimation, those empty calendar pages feel like a benediction to the frenetic season just past.

Children are pushed through holiday observances on the crest of their families’ schedules and their own adrenaline. But as those special times wind down, regular life once again takes center stage.  And for most of the little children I know, regular life is a pretty big deal.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:24 pm
Fri December 27, 2013

Capturing Memory

Stars glittered in the mother’s eyes as she described her family’s recent drive west through the Rockies.  They stood in wonder at the foot of beautiful waterfalls.  They marveled at the girth and height of some enormous trees.  They thrilled at their quick glances of shy moose and elk.

Mom and Dad are convinced they’ll never forget this experience, but they have a concern.  The youngest member of this journeying family is only three. How will she ever remember the experience?

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Let's Talk Kids
12:21 pm
Fri December 20, 2013

The Race is On

The middle-aged woman’s excitement was palpable as she described the lovely gifts she had just purchased.

Her two grandchildren would be in her home at some point for the holidays, and she’s planned to recreate every holiday tradition her family’s ever enjoyed.  She’ll bake each cookie recipe in her family cookbook.  She’s arranged a visit from a friend who owns a Santa suit. 

And the gifts!  She’s bought every toy these children might possibly desire, and looks forward to showering them with her love on December 22.

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Let's Talk Kids
1:00 pm
Thu November 14, 2013

A Firm Foundation

Each morning my little dog and I venture out in our neighborhood for a brisk walk.  She employs her excellent nose to read messages from other dogs, and I try to notice things a little higher up.

Yesterday for the first time I noticed each home’s foundation.  These foundations are primarily concrete of a non-descript color, so as not to take anything away from the lovely paint and siding colors and architectural details of the homes. 

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Let's Talk Kids
1:00 pm
Thu November 7, 2013

Regrets for the Wrong Turns

"We've done it all wrong!" moaned the mother. "We've mishandled bedtime, and now we've taught our son the wrong way to go to sleep. Will he ever learn the right way now?"

How old is their son? Four whole weeks.

You don't get too far into the parenting game without questioning your choices. Second-guessing ourselves is a steady occupation for most parents.

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Let's Talk Kids
11:03 am
Thu October 31, 2013

Emergent Empathy

There’s one resource every parent needs:  a close friend or family member to stand beside them in the trenches. 

Dr. Victor Bernstein from the University of Chicago teaches that “Relationships take the edge off chaos.”  When we find ourselves in the midst of trauma, chaos or disorganization, a relationship with someone we trust has the power to soothe and settle us.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 pm
Thu October 24, 2013

Better than You Think

Parents despair over their children’s disappointing behavior, but here’s some good news:  Odds are, your children are probably turning out better than you think at every point along the way.

The trouble with grownups is that we’ve seen the results of bad decisions and anticipate the consequences of every mistake our children make.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 pm
Thu October 17, 2013

Normal and Novel

It’s one of those enigmas of child-rearing: In order to flourish, children need a complex mix of events that are both normal and novel.

Normal events include reliable routines which structure a child’s day.  Going to bed and getting up at the same time everyday may sound a bit boring.  And yet, this predictable pattern helps children develop healthy sleep habits.

Likewise, a consistent daytime schedule builds a child’s feeling of competence as he anticipates what comes next throughout the day.  This regularity breeds trust and reduces stress for kids.

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Let's Talk Kids
12:00 pm
Thu October 10, 2013

Childless or Childfree?

Recent reports about women choosing not to bear children has brought the “Childfree Choice” into the spotlight. Time Magazine reports that in 1976, only one in ten American women in her forties was childless, compared to the current statistic of one in five.

Some say our world is in such a mess they cannot in good conscience bring a child into it.  Others describe their own sad upbringing and fear making the same mistakes their parents did.  Still others say they could never be as good at parenting as their parents were.

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Let's Talk Kids
2:27 pm
Thu October 3, 2013

Keep the Conversation Comin

Parents long to know what’s on their kids’ minds, but getting kids to talk about those things can be a tough nut to crack.

But there’s one time when kids are likely to have a great deal to say, and that’s when in they’re smack-dab in the thick of an interesting experience. If you want to hear your kids talk, plan to be present with them when something’s going on.  Here are some ideas:

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Let's Talk Kids
1:00 pm
Thu September 26, 2013

It Takes Two to Tangle

There were never two parents raising the same child anywhere who ever agreed entirely about how to do it.  When adults care about the same child, a certain amount of “gatekeeping” is bound to happen, in which each adult thinks he or she knows best about how to parent. 

Here’s an example:  Adam says, “Eve, you should make that boy behave.”  Eve says, “Adam, he’s doing the best he can. Quit riding him all the time.”  Years down the road, Cain slays Abel, and the finger-pointing commences.  “I told you we were doing it wrong!”

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Let's Talk Kids
1:00 am
Thu September 19, 2013

Parking Lot Pathos

It was a recent blistering hot afternoon.  A weary mother marched across the discount store parking lot with her three little boys.  She firmly grasped the hands of two of the stair-step tykes while the third trailed solemnly behind.

The two boys whose hands she held howled in complaint as she spoke to them seriously under her breath.  Noticeably, no bags of purchases accompanied this small group.  The purpose of the trip had obviously been aborted while the beleaguered mother dealt with the misbehavior of her sons.

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8:00 pm
Tue September 17, 2013

Let's Talk Kids Archive

Let's Talk Kids archive...
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Let's Talk Kids
11:00 am
Thu September 12, 2013

A Challenge to Friendship

Amazingly, a wide variety of parenting styles produce healthy adults.  But the divergence of those styles may make for disagreement with other parents.

A young mother recently described a play date with her college roommate who has a baby about the same age as hers.  Amber had long anticipated getting their babies together to play, fantasizing about introducing these little girls to a life-long friendship. 

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Let's Talk Kids
9:25 am
Thu September 5, 2013

Far From the Tree

Recently I wrote about children seeming to absorb by osmosis the characteristics of their families during the years of growing up.  But a new book explores the other possibility: Children sometimes turn out very differently from their parents.  In his book Far from the Tree, psychiatrist Andrew Solomon shares stories of hundreds of families whose children have very different lives from their parents.

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Southwind Park
11:49 am
Wed September 4, 2013

Playgrounds for Everyone

Southwind Park accessible tree house.

Southwind Park in Springfield is on the NPR accessible playground list, Playgrounds for Everyone.  Do you know of other accessible parks in the area?

Let's Talk Kids
1:21 pm
Mon September 2, 2013

Sunrise, Sunset

Among my favorite memories is a lovely evening in late May of 1984.  Just home from the hospital, I sat outside with my newborn son, listening while his two older sisters and dad played in the yard.  Other happy memories stand out around this little boy, including his third birthday where he sang “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” wearing a football helmet and one of his sister’s ballet tutus. 

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Let's Talk Kids
1:47 pm
Thu August 22, 2013

Blind Trust

A recent summer storm provided an object lesson for a family I know.  Making their way along an interstate highway on a weekend outing, the family drove into a violent storm moving erratically across the state.

Within minutes, hailstones pelted the car along with heavy rains.  Visibility was seriously compromised.  The parents prayed for safety and watched for an exit where they could get off the road to wait out the storm. 

Meanwhile, the four-year-old in the back seat was alarmed by the noise of the pounding rain and hail.  She asked her parents if they were safe.

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Let's Talk Kids
9:00 am
Thu August 15, 2013

Raising an Heir

Every parent worries about making mistakes in raising children.  Imagine the pressure you would feel if you were raising the future King.  This is high-stakes parenting, indeed.

And yet William and Kate have started down this path with little Prince George, and they are doing it under a microscope through which they are being viewed by the whole world.

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Let's Talk Kids
11:00 am
Thu August 8, 2013

Starting Preschool

Preschool provides a safe venue for kids to learn some hard lessons about the world.  Is your preschooler ready?

Lesson# 1:  What do you mean you’re not going to stay?  For kids who’ve been home with parents, preschool may represent their first major separation.  You can prepare your child with visits to friends, playdates in other homes and seeing the classroom before the first day of school.

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Let's Talk Kids
11:00 am
Thu August 1, 2013

Making the Most of Summer

As summer winds down, parents see the start of another school year lurking around the corner. Summer freedom has been a blast, but academic expectations lie just ahead.  Here are a few suggestions to rev up your kids’ learning power.

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Let's Talk Kids
11:00 am
Thu July 25, 2013

Unexpected Gifts

A family of five I know has had a heck of a year.  They’ve lost a grandfather, suffered the loss of a job, and now struggle with the serious illness of their mother. 

This family’s three children have missed out on the carefree days of youth in the last year.  Instead, they’ve attended a funeral and mourned the loss of one who played a significant role in their lives.

They’ve listened in as their parents strategized about how to make do with less in the face of a lost salary.

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Let's Talk Kids
11:00 am
Thu July 18, 2013

A Matter of Life and Death

“Don’t sweat this deadline,” commented the longsuffering contractor.  “It’s not a matter of life and death.”

Reflecting on his words, I was thinking about how we use that phrase—“a matter of life and death”—to denote the singularly most essential issues in our lives.  Our very language respects the importance of the experiences of life and death, but this honor dims in the reality of our expectations sometimes.

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