Ask Me Another
8:43 am
Thu November 21, 2013

Zombie Gourmets

Originally published on Wed January 8, 2014 11:17 am

Zombies eat brains, everyone knows that. But if brains aren't available, zombies are not picky; they'll eat anything that rhymes with "brains." In this round, host Ophira Eisenberg and house musician Jonathan Coulton serve up clues to groups of nouns or names that follow this rhyming pattern. Points awarded to those who answer in a scary zombie voice.

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Transcript

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Let's bring out our next two contestants, Jamie Orenstein and Sean Howe.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, Jamie, you are back.

JAMIE ORENSTEIN: I'm back.

EISENBERG: We have had you as a contestant before but we are here to right a wrong. Jamie was eliminated in a recent final round where the answer was patchwork quilt and he answered piece quilt and we said no but we should've said yes because that is a type of patchwork quilt. Look at you nodding. Yep. I knew. And we reviewed the tape and decided that we had to fix this and so we brought you back to compete again.

(APPLAUSE)

ORENSTEIN: Well, I'm a judge and this is the first time I'd been reversed and told I was right.

EISENBERG: That's right. You are a judge. This is a new thing for you.

ORENSTEIN: Yeah. Exactly.

EISENBERG: Oh, that's right.

ORENSTEIN: It's great.

EISENBERG: It feels good. And Sean, you are a bit of a celebrity. You wrote a book about the history of Marvel Comics.

SEAN HOWE: Yep. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: So what comic is your favorite?

HOWE: I was a big fan of Daredevil which is now synonymous with a bad Ben Affleck movie.

EISENBERG: And what was it about Daredevil that you were like, oh, that speaks to me?

HOWE: Well, I really into the comic when a guy named Frank Miller was drawing it. And it was just kind of a cool, noir, moody comic book.

EISENBERG: Oh, it was dark. You like the dark.

HOWE: I like the dark stuff.

EISENBERG: All right. Good. I like you. This is going to be a perfect game for you both. It's called Zombie Gourmet. Jonathan, going by the last song you played, you are knowledgeable about all things zombie.

JONATHAN COULTON: Actually, you only really need to know one thing about zombies, which is that they like to eat brains. Two things. Also you need to know that they say brains in this ways. Braaaaains! Now, here's what you may not know. They also eat other things besides brains. When they cannot get brains they eat things that rhyme with brains. Puzzle guru Will Hines will you give us an example of a kind of question that's going to be featured in this next game?

WILL HINES: Certainly. I'll give an example. If I were to say that there was a zombie restaurant where they served Mark and Shania, you would say Twaaaains.

COULTON: Twains.

(LAUGHTER)

HINES: And you have to say it like that or we won't think you're cool.

EISENBERG: That would be bitter and tart, that little dish.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: So we are looking for nouns or names that rhyme with brains. And please give us your best zombie impression when you give us the answer. The winner will move on to the Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show. We'll begin the first course with some refreshing rye followed by a main course of bulgur wheat and steel cut oats. And we'll finish things off with some delightful germinated barley.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Graaaaains.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: That was quite creepy.

EISENBERG: Yeah, you're creepily good at that, Jamie.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: This feast would be unthinkable without a starter of garden fresh vena cava. This paired perfectly with locally source jugular, and for the ultimate satisfaction, try the velvety varicose.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Veeeeins.

(APPLAUSE)

HINES: You said you're a judge. Do you deliver verdicts in that voice?

(LAUGHTER)

ORENSTEIN: (deep voice) Guilty.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Some guiltless lite Goodall leaves room for some crispy Seymour and don't forget a cup of cool, creamy Fonda.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Jaaanes.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: It's always nice to start with a glass of red wine mixed with fresh grass. The main course, a mound of artisanal mud. The only thing that can top this would be fresh seasonal ring around the collar.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Plains?

EISENBERG: Plains?

ORENSTEIN: Grass, mud.

EISENBERG: Hmm, interesting.

ORENSTEIN: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: But, no. No.

ORENSTEIN: Nothing.

EISENBERG: Sean.

HOWE: Staains?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Why, yes, inquisitive zombie. That is correct.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That was so cute.

HINES: That's a real humble zombie trying to break in this farm house.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: It just occurred to me; I don't think I've ever heard a zombie ask a question before.

HINES: They're real know it alls, usually.

COULTON: This meal is always served with a fine bottle of John, which goes stunningly well with a lightly battered fillet of Bruce. We wrap it all up with two generous scoops of Lil and Dwayne.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Waaaaynes.

COULTON: Waynes is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Some freshly tossed Victor Borge starts this meal followed by roasted Brigitte Nielson, fused with Lars Von Trier. And for dessert, the specialty is candied Hamlet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Sean.

HOWE: Daaaanes?

EISENBERG: Danes? Is correct.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I like that one zombie very much because he's so polite.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I will invite that zombie over for brains anytime.

HINES: Yeah. Night of the gracious dead.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: A savory bowl of farm fresh Beechcraft is just the start of this meal which includes golden brown Cessna and pan seared Piper Cub.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jamie.

ORENSTEIN: Plaaaanes.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right. This is your last clue. Every meal here begins with a tiny ramekin of pureed Diane, then we present a generous slab of roasted Nathan and to cap off the evening, please enjoy our special honeyed Lois.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Sean.

HOWE: Laaanes.

EISENBERG: Lanes is correct. That is right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Will, how did our contestants do?

HINES: They did great but our winner is Jamie.

EISENBERG: Jamie.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Thank you, Sean. Amazing zombies. Jamie, you'll be moving on to our final round at the end of the show. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Coming up, we're going to make Jonathan Coulton mix Looney Tunes with the Rolling Stones. And we'll shackle our VIP author R.L. Stine into the puzzle hot seat. So stay tuned. This is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC, "SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL")

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC, "SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.