Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
9:58 am
Sat August 2, 2014

Limericks

Originally published on Mon August 25, 2014 10:53 am

Copyright 2014 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly, live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28th and Seattle, Washington on September 18th. And be sure to check out How To Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian explain how to avoid the noid. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

HENRY BISHOP: Hi, this is Henry from Sunnyvale, California.

SAGAL: Hi, Henry. How are you?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Sunnyvale is - Sunnyvale's down on the peninsula, right?

BISHOP: Yeah, that's right. Right here in the South Bay.

SAGAL: Silicon Valley?

BISHOP: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: And are you in the high-tech industry?

BISHOP: Yes, I am, unfortunately.

SAGAL: Oh, really? I thought you guys were all billionaires and stuff. So are you trying to get out of there?

BISHOP: No, we're stuck here. In fact, we're home from the hospital today. We just welcomed our first baby.

SAGAL: Hey. That's exciting.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Your wife just gave birth to her firstborn child. And you say, that's great, honey - terrific. Look, I've got to call in to this quiz show now.

(LAUGHTER)

BISHOP: We actually had tickets to be there, but he decided to join us a little early, and so we couldn't make it.

SAGAL: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

BISHOP: Oh, no. No worries.

POUNDSTONE: I think that makes you quite a guy, that you stayed with her instead of coming.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Henry, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

BISHOP: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: The sofa I plant my body in looks just like a huge, dimpled chin - a big, pinkish seat that's supple like meat and covered in human-like...

BISHOP: Skin?

SAGAL: Yes, skin.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A London furniture designer is selling special leather chairs that cost $2,500. And they're made to look and even smell like human skin. It's kind of a big, shapeless blob on another shapeless blob. It's for people who want to relax in the warm embrace of, say, an enormous, obese, naked man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You might think this is nuts - a weird joke. But our cow listeners are all like, oh, yeah, laugh it up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who could imagine?

ALONZO BODDEN: Couldn't you just save 2,500 bucks by getting a fat, unemployed roommate to lay around?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, then you've got to feed - you'll argue about what's on TV.

MAZ JOBRANI: See, when I hear about things like this, I'm like, none of my ideas are stupid.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: You know what I'm saying?

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I'm old and hate hospital check-ins, so regular exercise beckons. My body's still strong, just not for too long. I work out in bursts of six...

BISHOP: Seconds.

SAGAL: Seconds. Six Seconds, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To avoid health problems, experts are now recommending retirees, senior citizens, should get six seconds of exercise per week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's all you need to get health benefits. It can be achieved in quick bursts on the bike, may be a single push-up, a high-impact six seconds of struggling to get up out of your human skin chair. I don't know.

POUNDSTONE: Wait a minute.

SAGAL: Yes?

POUNDSTONE: Who recommends this?

SAGAL: Scientists.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And how old are they talking? I mean, are they talking about people that are, like, you know - it'll give you another day?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm talking about people who are over 65, people who are sedentary or old.

POUNDSTONE: Six seconds? This is not a good thing to say on the radio.

SAGAL: Well, it is amazing to consider that this is how sedentary we've become, where a mere six seconds per week of vigorous exercise is an improvement over where we are.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Really, yeah.

SAGAL: That's terrifying. All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our geckos are space-roaming wizards. Our contact to them has been scissored. They're out there in space, propagating their race. And soon, we'll have blizzards of...

BISHOP: Oh, gosh...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Geckos is a hint.

BISHOP: Lizards?

SAGAL: Yes, lizards.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Crisis in space - last week, the Russian Space Agency lost control of a satellite filled with copulating gecko lizards. This is true. They wanted to see what effect microgravity had on the mating habits of lizards. One effect - gives the female lizards another excuse. Not tonight, honey. I'm floating helplessly around this chamber.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: We just send - we send these, like, multimillion, billion dollar devices into space with just animals?

SAGAL: Well, we didn't. They did. I mean, the same month we were celebrating the 45th anniversary of the first man on the moon, they sent up a bunch of lizards just so they could watch them do it in space.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who's winning the space race?

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: That just sounds really cocky. It's like, (speaking with Russian accent) whatever, we have lots money, put lizard, go.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Henry do?

KURTIS: The proud father Henry got three out of three.

POUNDSTONE: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Well done, Henry. Congratulations on the birth of your son.

BISHOP: Thank you, everyone.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.