Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
8:08 pm
Fri August 30, 2013

Limericks

Originally published on Sat August 31, 2013 10:56 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, give us a call, leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can always click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. Then you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and check out our how to do everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian let you know what you can do with all those CDs you never listen to anymore. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

STEPHANIE GARBER: Hi, Peter.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

GARBER: This is Stephanie Garber from Celebration, Florida.

SAGAL: Celebration, Florida?

GARBER: Yes.

SAGAL: That is the town that is owned and operated by the Disney Corporation, am I not right?

GARBER: Yes. We're the second happiest place on earth so we have to walk around singing "It's a Small World" all the time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That can get a little onerous, I'm sure.

GARBER: It's a great town.

SAGAL: I'm sure it is, and I'm sure you're not going to get into trouble if you don't say that, so it's okay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Stephanie, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Our post-wedding actions cause rifts. The guests are suspecting a grift. We've passed the big day, so we go on eBay. One by one we sell off all the...

GARBER: Gifts.

SAGAL: Gifts, yes. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a recent British study, 82 percent of all newlywed couples turn right around and resell their wedding gifts on eBay. This is presumably because they get a lot of crap they don't want and because they don't want to be reminded of that scene at the wedding where you got so drunk and tried to French the minister.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But they registered for the gifts, right? They presumably wanted them, Although, you should have been suspicious when they registered for 10 Mint Condition Iron Man Figurines Still in Original Packaging.

(LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: You know, in my advice column, like, I deal with a lot of wedding issues - I hate weddings now.

SAGAL: Really?

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I hear from people that are like, oh we want money. How do we get our guests to give us money? That's not...

SAGAL: Well, what's the answer?

CHARLIE PIERCE: Gunpoint.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Exactly.

SAGAL: Very good. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Not just must we run from the kitty, but we must seem urbane and quite witty. A quaint rustic charm might do well on a farm, but we mice smarten up in the...

GARBER: City?

SAGAL: Yes indeed, the city.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You've heard about country mice and city mice, right?

PIERCE: I've never heard Carl's little mouse voice.

SAGAL: It's very excellent.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But you've heard about country mouse...

KASELL: You haven't heard a lot of things, Charlie.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, biologists at the University of Minnesota have found that city mice have bigger brains than their country cousins. That's because they say city mice have more to adapt to. In the country, it's Tom and Jerry, in the city it's Tom, Jerry, and Crazy Hobo with a Gun.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The worst part is that city mice are also elitists, out of touch with real American mice. They only eat trash from Whole Foods.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: You might say it constitutes fraudka. But our cleverness you will applaudka. See, nobody drives, yet our bootlegging thrives. We have laid down a pipeline for...

GARBER: Vodka.

SAGAL: Yes indeed, vodka.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Or a copka.

SAGAL: Authorities in Eastern Europe have shut off an illegal pipeline carrying vodka from Kyrgyzstan to Kazakhstan, going from a distillery, then hundreds of miles and ending in the mouth of some guy they call Lucky Ivan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Stephanie do in our quiz?

KASELL: Stephanie had a perfect game, Peter, three correct answers. So, Stephanie, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations, Stephanie.

(APPLAUSE)

GARBER: Thank you. Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.