Claudia Quigg

Let's Talk Kids Host

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Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.

Cousins!

Jun 19, 2014

Closer than classmates, more sensational than siblings, cousins are a boon to growing up.

While I never lived in the same town with my own cousins, I remember how I loving family get-togethers.  Even for cousins I saw rarely, our play would pick up right where it left off the last time we were together.

My older cousins were someone to look up to.  My younger ones tickled me with their cuteness.  We always managed to fill the hours with games and adventures that each of us could relate to.

What Dads do for Kids

Jun 12, 2014

Mothers and fathers are similar when it comes to devotion to their children or commitment to their love and care.  In fact, some of the newer research indicates that during later pregnancy and early parenthood, even men’s hormones mimic those of women’s as testosterone drops and estrogen increases in men around the births of their babies. 

Dads love their babies just like moms do.  But they have a very different way of showing that love.

Hatching is Hard

Jun 5, 2014

Hatching chicken eggs with my class as a kindergarten teacher turned out to be good training for raising the children I would have later.  One spring, after most of the chicks successfully hatched, one little fellow seemed to have a hard time. I worried about him like a mother hen. Thinking I could help, I contacted a chicken farmer to ask if I couldn’t give the chick a little assistance.  “No way!” he warned me.

In my family, the first time we see a child after school lets out for the summer, we HAVE to say, “School’s out, school’s out, teacher let the monkeys out!”  A great deal has changed in the world since I was a student, but this remains true:  The last day of school represents a real transition for children, for teachers, and for parents.

Remembering Love

May 22, 2014

On May 1, 1865, former slaves dug up the remains of 257 dead Union soldiers who had been buried in a mass grave in a Confederate prison camp outside Charleston, South Carolina.  They worked for two weeks to give them a proper burial in gratitude for their sacrifice.  Following the burials, 10,000 people celebrated with a parade led by 2800 black children.  

Super Kid

Apr 10, 2014

Four-year old Luke sat quietly while his dad participated in a meeting with a bunch of grownups, hard at work on an effort of his own.  Brow furrowed, he labored intensely throughout the meeting.

When the group adjourned, Luke shared his work.  These words were written on small cards:  AQUAMAN, SUPERMAN, SPIDERMAN, BATMAN and ROBIN.

Each word was spelled correctly and written meticulously in his clear childish block letters. I was heartily impressed.

The Chaos Crescendo

Apr 1, 2014

You rise with the sun, planning for a happy day with your children.  You walk into your daughter’s room to wake her for school and discover urine-soaked sheets, again.

 

You calmly strip the bed and run the bath for the requisite clean-up you hadn’t really allowed enough time for.  You get this one headed to the tub and throw the linens in the washer just before you go wake your other child.

 

Always Do Your Best

Mar 27, 2014

If there’s a gift I could give parents it would be to forgive themselves for not being perfect.  We love our children so much we want them to be raised by perfect parents, but we’re daily aware of the ways we’re unable to be those imagined perfect parents.

The fourth of don Miguel Ruiz’ “The Four Agreements” speaks to this drive in parents:  “Always do your best.”  Notice, the concept is not “Be perfect,” but is instead “Do your best.”

The third of don Miguel Ruiz’ “Four Agreements” sounds simple enough:  Don't Make Assumptions.  But the application of this to living with children is not so easy.

When we make assumptions it’s because we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling. When it comes to our children, we blindly assume their lives will mirror our own.   “Of course you love Brussel sprouts!  Everyone in our family loves Brussel sprouts!”

Last week, I introduced the application of don Miguel Ruiz’ book The Four Agreements to our work of raising children.  Today, I would like to think about the Second Agreement, “Don’t take anything personally,” as it applies to the lives of parents.

In his book, “The Four Agreements,” don Miguel Ruiz laid out four principles based on the great religions of the world and particularly his own Toltec roots in Southern Mexico.   These four agreements, he writes, provide a practical guide to personal freedom and happiness.

His simple ideas also provide a solid foundation for successfully raising our children.  Over the next four weeks, I’d like to explore these four ideas beginning today with the first agreement:  Be Impeccable with your Word.

Playing Outside

Feb 27, 2014

The numbers tell a solemn story.  American children play outside less now than at any other time in our nation’s history.  Time spent playing outdoors has decreased for all children, but especially for females and for minorities.  This lifestyle change has contributed to increasing health risks as children display more obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure than in previous generations.

The Anchor

Feb 20, 2014

Every parent understands that your joy and sorrow rises and falls with your child. Your heart vacillates between those two extremes as your child faces tragedy and triumph.

You may be on top of your game at work, but if you get a call from the principal telling you your child just cheated on a test, you feel like an utter failure. You may be enjoying great health yourself, but when your child's pediatrician wants to run some tests to rule out a dreaded diagnosis, your lay awake nights worrying.

Parenting Partners

Feb 13, 2014

My years of marriage have taught me that raising kids with another person is rarely a smooth ride.  Any two adults bring very different upbringings to the table, causing them to often take a different view of kids’ behavior.

But the single most important thing parenting partners do for each other is that every day, we can count on this:  No matter how difficult their behavior, we know that our kids are desperately loved by at least one other human being who would walk through fire for them.

The Topless Blender

Feb 6, 2014

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s take on toddlers is right on:  “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender but you don’t have a top for it.”

Our hopes for order and cleanliness are challenged when young children are around, for sure.  At a recent family dinner, we thought we’d placed toddler Emmy where she could do no harm.  We pulled back the tablecloth, laid a drop cloth on the floor beneath her, and covered her chair with a towel.

Watch for the Twinkle

Jan 30, 2014

Parents entertain the fantasy our children will enjoy the same activities that interest us.  If you lettered in track in high school, you may be shopping for baby running shoes before your child can walk.  If you spent your childhood playing in piano recitals, you have your little one listening to piano concertos on the nursery CD player as she drifts off to sleep at night.

Voice from the Past

Jan 22, 2014

Voice from the Past

The middle-age woman spoke tentatively as she reached for words to express her meaning.  She was raised in the south, the great-grandchild of slaves.  “When I was growing up,” she said, “We were taught that children are to be seen and not heard. I wanted to be a good girl, so I spoke very little until I went to school.  There, I struggled to keep up with other children whose language skills were light years beyond my own.”

I love words.  A well-turned phrase gives me goose bumps.  Words play a significant role in my life.  But sometimes in the life of a family, words are nearly worthless.

When your daughter runs downhill too fast (despite your repeated warnings) and breaks out her front teeth in a spectacular face plant, she doesn’t need to hear you say that this was what you’d feared all along.

When your son has to retake a class because he failed to complete the assignments you’d badgered him about, nothing you say can make the lesson clearer than this most painful consequence.

Fill Up to Give Away

Jan 9, 2014

You’ve probably had this experience.

Your day is too full already with too many places to be.  As you race from one point to the next, you glance down at your fuel gauge and discover you’re running on fumes.

What to do?  If you stop to fill your gas tank it will make you later than you are already.  But the alternative is worse.

Fill Up to Give Away

Jan 9, 2014

You’ve probably had this experience.

Your day is too full already with too many places to be.  As you race from one point to the next, you glance down at your fuel gauge and discover you’re running on fumes.

What to do?  If you stop to fill your gas tank it will make you later than you are already.  But the alternative is worse.

After the holiday hustle and bustle, an empty datebook can seem anticlimactic. But in my estimation, those empty calendar pages feel like a benediction to the frenetic season just past.

Children are pushed through holiday observances on the crest of their families’ schedules and their own adrenaline. But as those special times wind down, regular life once again takes center stage.  And for most of the little children I know, regular life is a pretty big deal.

Capturing Memory

Dec 27, 2013

Stars glittered in the mother’s eyes as she described her family’s recent drive west through the Rockies.  They stood in wonder at the foot of beautiful waterfalls.  They marveled at the girth and height of some enormous trees.  They thrilled at their quick glances of shy moose and elk.

Mom and Dad are convinced they’ll never forget this experience, but they have a concern.  The youngest member of this journeying family is only three. How will she ever remember the experience?

The Race is On

Dec 20, 2013

The middle-aged woman’s excitement was palpable as she described the lovely gifts she had just purchased.

Her two grandchildren would be in her home at some point for the holidays, and she’s planned to recreate every holiday tradition her family’s ever enjoyed.  She’ll bake each cookie recipe in her family cookbook.  She’s arranged a visit from a friend who owns a Santa suit. 

And the gifts!  She’s bought every toy these children might possibly desire, and looks forward to showering them with her love on December 22.

A Firm Foundation

Nov 14, 2013

Each morning my little dog and I venture out in our neighborhood for a brisk walk.  She employs her excellent nose to read messages from other dogs, and I try to notice things a little higher up.

Yesterday for the first time I noticed each home’s foundation.  These foundations are primarily concrete of a non-descript color, so as not to take anything away from the lovely paint and siding colors and architectural details of the homes. 

"We've done it all wrong!" moaned the mother. "We've mishandled bedtime, and now we've taught our son the wrong way to go to sleep. Will he ever learn the right way now?"

How old is their son? Four whole weeks.

You don't get too far into the parenting game without questioning your choices. Second-guessing ourselves is a steady occupation for most parents.

Emergent Empathy

Oct 31, 2013

There’s one resource every parent needs:  a close friend or family member to stand beside them in the trenches. 

Dr. Victor Bernstein from the University of Chicago teaches that “Relationships take the edge off chaos.”  When we find ourselves in the midst of trauma, chaos or disorganization, a relationship with someone we trust has the power to soothe and settle us.

Better than You Think

Oct 24, 2013

Parents despair over their children’s disappointing behavior, but here’s some good news:  Odds are, your children are probably turning out better than you think at every point along the way.

The trouble with grownups is that we’ve seen the results of bad decisions and anticipate the consequences of every mistake our children make.

Normal and Novel

Oct 17, 2013

It’s one of those enigmas of child-rearing: In order to flourish, children need a complex mix of events that are both normal and novel.

Normal events include reliable routines which structure a child’s day.  Going to bed and getting up at the same time everyday may sound a bit boring.  And yet, this predictable pattern helps children develop healthy sleep habits.

Likewise, a consistent daytime schedule builds a child’s feeling of competence as he anticipates what comes next throughout the day.  This regularity breeds trust and reduces stress for kids.

Recent reports about women choosing not to bear children has brought the “Childfree Choice” into the spotlight. Time Magazine reports that in 1976, only one in ten American women in her forties was childless, compared to the current statistic of one in five.

Some say our world is in such a mess they cannot in good conscience bring a child into it.  Others describe their own sad upbringing and fear making the same mistakes their parents did.  Still others say they could never be as good at parenting as their parents were.

Parents long to know what’s on their kids’ minds, but getting kids to talk about those things can be a tough nut to crack.

But there’s one time when kids are likely to have a great deal to say, and that’s when in they’re smack-dab in the thick of an interesting experience. If you want to hear your kids talk, plan to be present with them when something’s going on.  Here are some ideas:

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